Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My Most Embarrasing Post, Ever

So this is going to be one of those brutally honest posts. One like I've never done before. One where I share something really humiliating about myself. Because it's time. Because it's something I NEED to share.

Here I go. 181. That number makes me sick. It was the number that I saw when I stepped onto the scale for the first time since I had Addison. It was the number that gave me a severe reality check. So why even try out the scale in the first place? Because of my little (if you can call 25 little) brother and my wonderful momma (who has recently lost 75 lbs...more about that later). So what did my brother do? He literally told me I was getting too fat. Yeah, he said it just like that. It hurt. LIKE CRAZY. I cried...A LOT. But you know what, he was being honest, because he loves me! And to tell you the truth, I needed to hear it from someone other than my husband or myself.  I love my brother for telling me that. More than I can even express. It brings tears to my eyes because I know how hard it was for him to say it to my face. For him to be willing to lay it out there knowing that it would upset me and make me angry! I mean, obviously I knew that I was getting too fat but it was like I was living this dream that no one else would notice my rapid weight gain. What a lie I had fed myself!

Now I am not going to tell you that I changed my habits right after he told me that. Because I didn't. I was still angry so why would I give him the gratitude of being right by trying to lose weight right away? That would just be silly! DUH. What a moron I can be sometimes. Instead, I went home and continued on with my unhealthy habits. Then, a few days later, I came across a pin on Pinterest that caught my attention and, if it hadn't been for my brother, I would have passed it by but his words were still ringing in my head. Anyway, the pin was a diet that is used in the military to help those in training lose weight fast. Lose up to 10 pounds in 3 days?!?! That sounds easy enough, right? Basically it is this strict diet regimine where you can only eat certain things for the firs 3 days of the week and then you go back to your normal diet routine for the last 4 days (rinse, repeat). So I printed it out and told Nick I was going to try it. To monitor my weight, I decided to step on the dreaded scale and that's when I saw what my weight was. Wow. I literally sucked in my breath when I saw it. That was when I decided that I COULD DO THIS. So, the next day, I started the diet. IT SUCKED. I was hungry all of the time and the food was pretty gross. There were times when I really wanted to give up, but I was determined to not fail at another diet. I had my doubts about it but, it worked! I literally lost 10 lbs in 3 days! Now, I am sure a lot of what I lost was probably water weight but it was just what I needed to give me a boost of confidence! For the next 4 days, I did all I could to not gain any of that weight back. I ran, and ran, and ran. I did sit-ups, push-ups, and other exercises. I started counting calories. And by the time the end of those 4 days were up, I stepped on that scale again to discover I hadn't gained one pound back. In fact, I had lost 1 more pound! Woohoo! I then decided to try the 3 day diet again. Let me tell you, it sucked the second time around too. Only this time, I lost nothing. I felt like I had put myself through pure torture for nothing. So...the last 4 days of that week, I did the same. I ran, I exercised, I counted calories. I lost 3 lbs! Once the 3 day diet came back around, I tried it one last time, and lost NOTHING again. At this point, I was done with that diet. It was a great diet to give me the boost I needed initially, but it was not fun, and not at all healthy. Being hungry all of the time is NOT HEALTHY.

So what am I doing now? I am continuing to exercise. I do ab exercises and arm exercises every day because those are the areas of my body that I feel the least confident in. I run/walk when I get the chance (meaning, when Nick is home to watch Addison) too! I am watching my caloric intake. I can't tell you how much this has helped my diet out. Once I started counting my calories, I realized just how much I was actually ingesting on a daily basis. I was probably consuming over 1000 calories in drinks alone! Now I only drink water (or vitamin enhanced water), tea, and milk. Cutting soda out of my life was a challenge in itself but I can happily say that I haven't had a soda (aside from the diet soda here and there that I like to have when we are at a restaurant) in a month and a half! I am continuing to try to stay within the 1000-1200 calorie mark every day. It can be a challenge, but it is actually much easier than I could have ever imagined!

So, 5 weeks have passed and here I am 27 pounds lighter and so much more confident in myself. My family has been my biggest cheerleaders. My husband is continuously telling me how proud he is of me and encouraging me. My parents have been pushing me to stay strong and are so very proud of me as well. I was able to see my dad and brother for a short while a few weeks ago and they went home raving to my mom about how great I looked (talk about a confidence boost)! My brother texts me encouraging things all of the time and loves when I send him updates!

Losing this weight has helped more than my self-esteem though. It has helped my marriage, tremendously. I didn't mention it before, but that was something else that my brother said to me. My weight was affecting our marriage, big time. That seems silly, but it truly was. Sex was not something that I looked forward to because I hated the way I looked. (Sorry if that is TMI but I warned you that I was going to be brutally honest!) And for all of you women out there that think men don't really need sex, you are wrong. God made them that way. It's a part of life. Kind of like we, as women, need to be loved, men need to have sex. It's just the way they are programmed and it is wrong of us, as wives (myself included), to not give them what they need.

This experience has also helped my walk with the Lord. I am denying self by not eating what I want and not laying around like I would like. Therefore, I am more in tune with what the Lord wants for my life. As my friend Megan mentioned on her blog, the Lord has called us to take care of our bodies. In 1 Corinthians, Paul says it like this:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

So why do I tell you all of this? Because I'm not done yet. I need to continue with this healthy lifestyle and not let myself fall back to my old ways. I am much healthier, yes, but not as much as I should be. So that's where I need your help. My friend Megan is monitoring her progress on her blog every Wednesday, (Check her progress out. She's amazing, I tell ya.) and I want to do the same. It will be beneficial for me to share my results with the world so that 1. I will be more motivated to continue. and 2. I may be able to help someone else who is struggling with the same things. So, from now, until I determine I'm ready to lay it aside, I will be checking in on Wednesdays with a look at my week. I hope you will take this journey with me and I would love for you to help me along the way. Also, if you hope to start out on your own weight loss journey and would like some support, please let me know and I would love to help you as well!

Before I end this, I want to share some photos of what I looked like before I started this weight loss journey. These were all taken over the summer so they are fairly recent. I am sharing these so you can have some sort of idea as to where I was when I started out. I hope to continue to take pictures of myself so that I can actually see the progress I am making and share it with all of you as well. I will try to post one soon!

So stay tuned for this week's stats!


1 comment:

  1. Ok, I just read this and have big crocodile tears for you! Steph, I am incredibly proud of you. It is such a humbling experience to BEGIN your weight loss journey, isn't it? I was right there with you, living in complete denial about what I weighed and just hoping no one noticed. But picture after picture of myself, I hated the way I looked, and knew I wanted to change.

    You are incredible!! I'll be right here cheering you on!!


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